God is in Control

Well, where do I begin? This past week has been an emotional roller coaster and ultimately nightmare. We have gone from wrestling with the logistics of twins, since Amber was getting too large too fast for it to be only one little blessing growing in her rapidly expanding belly. How would we handle an even larger family than we were expecting? How would Amber handle 2 precious joyful bundles at once and continue to maintain any kind of normal life with the other kids? Then we entered the hospital, not yet realizing that our lives were about to make a huge course change. We hadn't even be to consider that there might be really something wrong. God has always blessed Amber with an amazing easy pregnancy. Her body was designed to produce perfect, wonderful, amazing little human beings

Then the ultrasound...

Just one in there. That by itself was shocking, we were convinced that we were going to have to find a way to live life with 2 babies, sounds impossible but God had always helped us thru the insanity and unknown with our already family of unusual size. What's 2 more? We will love them, adapt and carry on and love our impossibly large family.

Then the doctor called...

Life was not going to be what we thought.

Baby is not okay.

It's not going to be the impossibly perfect set of babies...

Our baby is not okay.

Everything is not going to be shockingly simple, easy and part of our plan.

God has other plans.

The problem is He never got them signed off by us. This is not what we had planned.

Fast forward 6 days...our fears are confirmed, baby will not be able to survive outside of momma.

Our baby is not OUR baby, he (yes, 4 boys in a row) is God's child. Just as with our other children, we are simply stewards of something that does not belong to us. We are tasked with loving these kids as long as God will allows us...no matter how short...

While this was never our plan, it's not outside God's. He is not shocked and surprised like we are. I have no idea why this has to be the way it happens, I don't agree with it and it pains me greatly not to be able to fix it our even have the vaguest understanding of what's next or how to proceed. I don't want to fake it, i don't want to half-ass it like I tend to do. We will continue to own this. As hard as this is, this is our little baby boy to love and care for as long as we can. God's amazing creation. I don't know what's next but He does. We continue to pray for clarity and wisdom as we wade through the hospital and medical mess.

God is in control.